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Personality Conflicts can affect the workplace. A few tips on working through them.
Even the most laid-back workers can clash with other people. If you’re having a difficult time getting along with a co-worker, it’s your responsibility to work through it. Here are a few ways of going about it.
Don’t expect them to change. The biggest mistake people make in any relationship (not just between co-workers) is expecting the other person to change who they are or how they act. Particularly in a work environment, this is unlikely to happen—the person you don’t get along with sees YOU as the problem, not himself. The only behavior you can change is your own.
This means approaching the problem person differently. If he hates it when you dump trouble call tickets on his desk, ask how he’d like to receive them, and acquiesce. Don’t kowtow to a bully, but demonstrate a willingness to cooperate. You might just find him willing to change as well.
Pick your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Turn the other cheek. Insert overused office cliché here. If you’re going to the mat over every single issue, you’re adding unnecessary tension to your relationship and your day. If you butt heads because he insists on each detail being done a certain way, go with it and move on. If, on the other hand, he his stealing ideas and presenting them as his own, it’s time to say something. Save your energy and attention for the real problems, and let the small ones go.
Agree to disagree. I learned this by watching the Muppet Show. No, really. That frog is smart.
Call in the big guns. Go to the boss only as a last resort. The last thing your manager needs is to mediate petty arguments. If your difficulties have escalated to harassment or bullying, it is necessary to bring the issue to your boss’s attention. Document each incident and set up a meeting with HR to go over the problem. If the issue is largely a personality conflict, try as best you can to leave management out of it. This way they understand that you’re capable of handling problems yourself, paving the way to career advancement.
Be the bigger person. Fish can choose not to bite. Even if a co-worker is baiting you, or deliberately pushing your buttons, it’s easier to simply ignore the problem. Like a bratty kid brother who desperately wants attention, he’ll turn his energy somewhere else as soon as you freeze him out.
These are a few ways to get started. Have a co-worker you just can’t get along with? Tell me about them in my discussion forum.
And remember: everyone is someone’s annoying co-worker. Even you.
The copyright of the article Difficult Co-Workers in Office Politics is owned by Melissa Dylan. Permission to republish Difficult Co-Workers in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Comments
Jun 14, 2007 6:16 PM
Melissa Dylan :
Who was your most difficult co-worker? How did you deal with this
person?
I once worked with a woman who threatened a few
co-workers and performed actual spells in her office against some of us
(including, eventually, me). HR refused to fire her because her nose was so
far up the butt of one of the new executives. She would come in on
Saturdays to polish his leather chair and once broke her foot running to
answer his phone, which is a level of dedication I have yet to acquire.
Oct 21, 2007 2:51 PM
L Dougherty :
I have a coworker who is not a team player. She was given the job of
getting more people trained to supervise stress tests but refuses to help
share the load in actually performing the tests, leaving me to do it all
the time. Although this task is not hard, it is very monotonous and one
needs a break from it at times. As I said, this coworker refuses to pitch
in and give me a break from doing it. I fear that reporting this to our
boss will do no good as this coworker "has our bosses' ear" so to
speak. Needless to say I'm looking to leave but I don't know if I can hang
in till a new job comes along. Any thoughts on how I can cope with things
until I'm able to extricate myself from this very toxic situation???
Oct 22, 2007 12:25 PM
Wendi K Vance :
I have always had difficulties with this subject. Over the last few years,
I have left one job after another because of this issue. Recently, I left a
job after being there only one month for this very same reason, a horrible
office bully.
This co-worker continously bullied me and it
started my very first week. She used foul language in my presence, she
called me horrible names such as "Sorry Ass" and she consistently
talked behind my back. When I wasn't there, she looked through my work and
my desk. She made comments that she was more intelligent then I was and she
knew more than I did. She would go to my supervisor and tell her, she
wanted to train me because I didn't know what I was doing. My supervisor
would allow her to task me. This individual would give me tasks but she
would only give me half of the instructions, setting me to fail. When I
went to her for guidence she would call me names and use foul language. It
progressively got worst.
I went to my supervisor about her, but
there was no support. It made the situation worst and she was even more
abusive than before. My supervisor talked to this co-worker. After the
conversation, the bully came up to me and informed me that our supervisor
talked to her but indicated it was only because I was complaining. I felt
so humilidated and she said it in front of the entire office. I than became
what they called, "The Petty Bitch and I was shunned in the office. No
one would talk to me not even my supervisor.
I apologized to
her, big mistake, and I even stood up for myself but it made me look even
worst than before. I was shunned, by other co-workers on a daily bases. I
couldn't get anyone to help me, I was still learning this job.
Additionally, other co-workers became critical of my job performance, I
couldn't do anything right.
My supervisor, our Human Resource
individual, and the other co-workers accepted her bullying behavior, they
shunned me and I felt so left out, that was in my first three weeks.
I ended up resigning, again, after just one month there. My
resignation stated I felt I was not a good fit for the office. My
administrator wanted me to clarify. When I expressed the specifics and
details concerning my situation and the bully. He defended her behavior,
explaining to me that I was the "Odd Girl Out" and needed to
adjust my behavior. I even took full responsibility and accountability for
the situation after I realized I was not going to obtain any support from
him.
The majo
Feb 13, 2008 9:57 AM
Debra :
I can totally relate. I have worked in a large medical hospital and its
bad. I do speak up for myself and fight back. So far I do have a job but I
am not happy. I am always the odd man out. I refused to be bullied. The
only thing I believe we can do is get an education and become a
professional which I have no desire to do.
Feb 18, 2008 4:09 PM
ann78 :
I can relate. I recently started a new job and the environment is really
unpleasant. I brought up my concerns with my supervisor who noticed I was
unhappy and urged me to tell her what was wrong. I told her I felt that
some of my co-workers had been hostile since the day I started and that one
coworker had chastized me very harshly in front of the whole office for a
minor mistake which had really upset me. My supervisor voiced concerns that
it was me, not my co-workers, who was the problem and that she was
'concerned'for me (not in a good way). I have decided after weighing my
options to resign because conflict seems to be pervasive in the office, but
I am worried that it will look bad on my resume to leave a job after a few
months. How do I explain that to possible future employers?
Mar 2, 2008 3:06 PM
Melissa Dylan :
It's really quite a shame that so many of us have been in this situation.
Unfortunately there does not seem to be a lot of support in many work
situations. As Wendikaren pointed out, a lot of times these situations
occur in small environments without the support of HR or other personnel to
intervene.
Bullying is not generally acknowledged as a real
workplace problem, because people incorrectly assume that bullies grow out
of it by the end of Junior High. Many supervisors assume that it
"takes two to tango" and assume that the person filing the
complaint provoked the bully. That is not always the case.
It's
not always easy to disengage from these toxic people, but sometimes that is
your only option. If a bully doesn't get a rise out of you, he or she may
move on to a different target. If they see they are affecting you, they
will continue their behavior. You are giving them your power every time you
get mad and react. Is it fair? Absolutely not. But take a moment, count to
ten, choose not to respond, and concentrate on your tasks.
As
for explaining the short jobs on your resume, it's important to stress what
you have learned from each experience, so in interview situations just
emphasize that this time around you're committed to finding the perfect fit
for both of you, to avoid the situation in the future. Then ask detailed
questions about the job and environment (without sounding defensive) to be
sure you're going into a supportive situation where this won't take place
again.
Aug 21, 2008 2:19 PM
Guest
:
I need help understanding my co-worker. I am a nurse hired to work PRN{as
needed} I am given the days available to cover for her days off every
month. I give my schedule to the Charge Nurse and then it is posted. No
matter what days I choose to work in this nurses' place she will decide
to re-arrange the schedule and work the days I have chosen as well as her
scheduled days!
Is there a message here that I'm not getting? I have
brought this to the Charge Nurses' attention. The behavior pattern
continues.
Aug 23, 2008 3:39 PM
Guest
:
I am presently working at a medical clinic for over a year now. when I
arrived the manager was good with me and I was eager to learn was always
kind and courteous with everyone until i noticed that the woman who worked
directly with the patients turned cold with me. I found out when she left
the reason was because as soon as someone new came along the manager would
start belittling her and talking down to her.
Same thing has happened
now to me a new girl came in and now I am being critized for stupidity
while she continously praises the other.She gives her time off more than
any employee should have and I am the one she treats badly and worse the
new girl is agressive with me and most of the time comes off as the manager
with me but in such an overpowering and agressive manner. Takes credit for
some of the work I do. Things came to a halt when i covered for her for
over 3 hours and she came in to remind me that i had forgotten to get the
key
s for the cash box and that she had reminded me several times
where the keys were. Another way of belittling. She refuses to say hello
as I am always the one saying hello. That has stopped now. The manager
said to me one day how come you do not say hello i told her why. She even
ignores me when i saw her twice on the street. I am looking now for
another job and really sorry i have to do this but people do not change and
I cannot tolerate this pettiness anymore.
Aug 24, 2008 6:25 AM
Guest
:
Mrs. Melissa Dylan
.
I am presently working for a medical
establishment and since i have started 2 people one of which was there for
23 years up and left. I really got along with these co-workers and of
course productivity was at its best. Even patients commented on how
wonderful this clinic was
After those two employees left they hired a
overagressive woman who brought all of her personal issues at work and for
some reason the manager adores her openly praises her in front of me and
gives her unwaranted time off. On the other hand critizes me and looks for
every possible way to put me down. Now the other co-worker is treating me
the same. I had advised the owner of what was going on and tried to ignore
their tactics and it is now affecting my home life.
I like my job
except for these 2 bullies. Both are suck-ups and actually lie to the
bosses so that they come out shining. I recently covered for one of them
while she was in court handling 3 doctors as well as 40 or so patients and
when she arrived late not only was she late making me hold up the clinic
but was reprimanded for forgetting where things were.. I feel degraded by
her continual condescending comments of me and tired of a manger
over-looking my good qualities.
What do I do. I have already let the
owners know of this hostility towards me and nothing has been done. I
really need your advise.
Aug 30, 2008 11:32 PM
Guest
:
I am a nurse. I feel I do an excellant job, support my boss and hospital
policies. Try to be a leader and answer questions to the new staff. We have
a new nurse the other day she told me how she wanted my approval so bad but
wanted to tell me that on the unit she has been talking bad about me. WHAT
is up with that???
10 Comments
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